On a walk at Buffalo Bayou, talking to God. On a cold night in early December, I realized I was locked out of my apartment. How that happened is a long story not worth retelling. The short version is that it revolves around me losing my key, my parents giving me their spare key and somehow that key not working. Or even shorter version: The enemy was busy.
I called the locksmith, cold and frustrated with my cat meowing inside her kennel in my car. Clearly, my cat Shadow thought us getting locked out was my fault, and she wanted me to know with every meow. Once the locksmith arrived 30 minutes later, I asked him how much it would be. He looked at me for a second and I could tell in my gut - he wanted to quote me something higher. Something stopped him and he said: For you, only $100. He opened my door with ease and I sent him $100 through Apple Pay.
Even though it was only $100, my stomach turned at spending more money. It had been an extremely expensive month. $600 in car repairs. Pre-holiday shopping. And I had another trip coming up in a couple days. Later that night when I plopped on my couch, I started praying.
Praying for me has become like breathing. It’s an ongoing conversation that never seems to stop with God. Sometimes it starts early in the morning, with me asking for something specific: strength for something hard that day, wisdom over a decision, or covering something for a friend. On the good days, I keep talking to God. At lunch when I’m heating up my food in the microwave. In the afternoon, when I look out the window at the sun or I’m walking to the coffee shop. On the bad days, the conversation is harder. Maybe, I’m tired and the words don’t flow. Or maybe, I’m frustrated because I start to think: God, are you even listening?
That night after a long, frustrating day I opened my mouth to complain, ahem, pray to God. And I asked if somehow, someway he could supply the $100 back to me that I paid the locksmith. After I finished praying, I turned my TV off, and went to bed. I wondered again: God, are you even listening?
In December, I also was reading through the story of Elizabeth and Zechariah in the Bible. This honorable couple who had served God all their lives desperately wanted a child. Year after year they cried out. Year after year they got no response. But then, on one fateful day, an angel appeared to Zechariah and told him the news he’d been waiting to hear all his life.
“Don’t be afraid, Zechariah! God has heard your prayer. Your wife, Elizabeth, will give you a son, and you are to name him John. You will have great joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great in the eyes of the Lord,” the angel said
And how did Zechariah receive the answer to his prayers? With joy? Excitement? A cartwheel? No, with doubt.
He asked the angel: “How can I be sure this will happen? I’m an old man now, and my wife is also well along in years.”
Sure, his questions were logical. Elizabeth would be 88-years-old when she had their son John. How could God make something like this happen? Was he really answering now?
Because of Zechariah’s doubt, the angel said he would be silenced until the son’s birth. Ouch.
It’s easy to side eye Zechariah and be like: You had a literal angel come down from the sky giving you news about the future. How could you not believe?
But of course, we doubt God all the time just like Zechariah. Sometimes before praying about it, we worry. We come up with every worst case scenario and convince ourselves that it’s more productive than praying because at least we know the outcome if all goes wrong. Sometimes, we take matters into our own hands. Bulldozing to the answer that we’ve come up with in our heads, convinced that we have God’s approval. Sometimes we text five friends about the same situation who can’t even provide the wisdom we need. We wonder if we should do something more “productive” like come up with the solution ourselves. Because well, God is taking too long and we have a life to live and dreams to fulfill.
I write this knowing I’ve done all the above scenarios without batting an eye. I’ve also been smack dab in the middle of an answered prayer, in awe that God actually heard me and almost wanting to doubt that it could be true. I haven’t been silenced like Zechariah, but maybe we need to be quiet sometimes so we can really see God at work.
A couple weeks before Christmas, I visited my grandparents and some of my extended family in Mississippi. As we sat inside my grandparents’ living room and exchanged Christmas gifts, my Aunt handed me an envelope. I tucked it in my purse, thinking it was a card that I could read later. Later, at the hotel, I opened the envelope and out slid a $100. I put the money into my wallet and went to bed smiling.
After Elizabeth became pregnant, her cousin Mary visited her. Mary also had big news. She was pregnant and would be giving birth to the Savior of the world. Her pregnancy also didn’t make sense to the natural eye. She was a teenage virgin. But yet, she believed. And Elizabeth commended her for her faith, saying:
“You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said.”
It’s hard to keep believing if you’ve been praying for a long time with little change. It’s hard to open your mouth to pray when you can’t even see who you’re praying to. It’s hard to have faith when your circumstances seem to be getting worse. But I’ve found the more I keep talking to God, the closer I feel to Him. And the more I understand who this God is I’m praying to. He’s patient because he listens to me talk about the same thing over and over again. He’s wise and always seems to provide a solution my brain couldn’t have come up with. He’s a great comforter and sometimes just lets me sit and cry with Him. He’s good and is always working something out to surprise me. He’s more powerful than anything else I would turn to in this world. He’s someone I want to be like and I want others to know about. And apparently, giving out $100 is easy business for him.
A few days before Christmas, I had some friends over to watch my favorite Christmas movie The Holiday. After watching the movie, eating our popcorn, and sipping on hot chocolate, we joined hands to pray over our night. I thought it might be a general prayer, but instead a dear friend prayed over each lady. Her words soared over each friend, giving them a word of encouragement, wisdom, or divine direction they needed to hear. We were all quiet as her voice powered through each prayer. Listening to God at work. And I know, God also was up above listening to us.
My first novel, The Faith of Autumn Waters, debuts later this Spring. Follow this link for more information on the book.
I called the locksmith, cold and frustrated with my cat meowing inside her kennel in my car. Clearly, my cat Shadow thought us getting locked out was my fault, and she wanted me to know with every meow. Once the locksmith arrived 30 minutes later, I asked him how much it would be. He looked at me for a second and I could tell in my gut - he wanted to quote me something higher. Something stopped him and he said: For you, only $100. He opened my door with ease and I sent him $100 through Apple Pay.
Even though it was only $100, my stomach turned at spending more money. It had been an extremely expensive month. $600 in car repairs. Pre-holiday shopping. And I had another trip coming up in a couple days. Later that night when I plopped on my couch, I started praying.
Praying for me has become like breathing. It’s an ongoing conversation that never seems to stop with God. Sometimes it starts early in the morning, with me asking for something specific: strength for something hard that day, wisdom over a decision, or covering something for a friend. On the good days, I keep talking to God. At lunch when I’m heating up my food in the microwave. In the afternoon, when I look out the window at the sun or I’m walking to the coffee shop. On the bad days, the conversation is harder. Maybe, I’m tired and the words don’t flow. Or maybe, I’m frustrated because I start to think: God, are you even listening?
That night after a long, frustrating day I opened my mouth to complain, ahem, pray to God. And I asked if somehow, someway he could supply the $100 back to me that I paid the locksmith. After I finished praying, I turned my TV off, and went to bed. I wondered again: God, are you even listening?
In December, I also was reading through the story of Elizabeth and Zechariah in the Bible. This honorable couple who had served God all their lives desperately wanted a child. Year after year they cried out. Year after year they got no response. But then, on one fateful day, an angel appeared to Zechariah and told him the news he’d been waiting to hear all his life.
“Don’t be afraid, Zechariah! God has heard your prayer. Your wife, Elizabeth, will give you a son, and you are to name him John. You will have great joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth, for he will be great in the eyes of the Lord,” the angel said
And how did Zechariah receive the answer to his prayers? With joy? Excitement? A cartwheel? No, with doubt.
He asked the angel: “How can I be sure this will happen? I’m an old man now, and my wife is also well along in years.”
Sure, his questions were logical. Elizabeth would be 88-years-old when she had their son John. How could God make something like this happen? Was he really answering now?
Because of Zechariah’s doubt, the angel said he would be silenced until the son’s birth. Ouch.
It’s easy to side eye Zechariah and be like: You had a literal angel come down from the sky giving you news about the future. How could you not believe?
But of course, we doubt God all the time just like Zechariah. Sometimes before praying about it, we worry. We come up with every worst case scenario and convince ourselves that it’s more productive than praying because at least we know the outcome if all goes wrong. Sometimes, we take matters into our own hands. Bulldozing to the answer that we’ve come up with in our heads, convinced that we have God’s approval. Sometimes we text five friends about the same situation who can’t even provide the wisdom we need. We wonder if we should do something more “productive” like come up with the solution ourselves. Because well, God is taking too long and we have a life to live and dreams to fulfill.
I write this knowing I’ve done all the above scenarios without batting an eye. I’ve also been smack dab in the middle of an answered prayer, in awe that God actually heard me and almost wanting to doubt that it could be true. I haven’t been silenced like Zechariah, but maybe we need to be quiet sometimes so we can really see God at work.
A couple weeks before Christmas, I visited my grandparents and some of my extended family in Mississippi. As we sat inside my grandparents’ living room and exchanged Christmas gifts, my Aunt handed me an envelope. I tucked it in my purse, thinking it was a card that I could read later. Later, at the hotel, I opened the envelope and out slid a $100. I put the money into my wallet and went to bed smiling.
After Elizabeth became pregnant, her cousin Mary visited her. Mary also had big news. She was pregnant and would be giving birth to the Savior of the world. Her pregnancy also didn’t make sense to the natural eye. She was a teenage virgin. But yet, she believed. And Elizabeth commended her for her faith, saying:
“You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said.”
It’s hard to keep believing if you’ve been praying for a long time with little change. It’s hard to open your mouth to pray when you can’t even see who you’re praying to. It’s hard to have faith when your circumstances seem to be getting worse. But I’ve found the more I keep talking to God, the closer I feel to Him. And the more I understand who this God is I’m praying to. He’s patient because he listens to me talk about the same thing over and over again. He’s wise and always seems to provide a solution my brain couldn’t have come up with. He’s a great comforter and sometimes just lets me sit and cry with Him. He’s good and is always working something out to surprise me. He’s more powerful than anything else I would turn to in this world. He’s someone I want to be like and I want others to know about. And apparently, giving out $100 is easy business for him.
A few days before Christmas, I had some friends over to watch my favorite Christmas movie The Holiday. After watching the movie, eating our popcorn, and sipping on hot chocolate, we joined hands to pray over our night. I thought it might be a general prayer, but instead a dear friend prayed over each lady. Her words soared over each friend, giving them a word of encouragement, wisdom, or divine direction they needed to hear. We were all quiet as her voice powered through each prayer. Listening to God at work. And I know, God also was up above listening to us.
My first novel, The Faith of Autumn Waters, debuts later this Spring. Follow this link for more information on the book.
RSS Feed